


Skin

by Uke08



Series: Edge Of Destruction [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Chris Evans - Fandom, Marvel (Movies), Sebastian Stan - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Chemotherapy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heavy Angst, It will be a surprise if she dies or not, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Possible Character Death, Protective Bucky Barnes, Romance, Tags Contain Spoilers, Therapy, wink wink hint hint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 01:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3959680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uke08/pseuds/Uke08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I sat there on my bed, crying into my mother’s shoulder. There I clutched in my hand a lock of my hair. My tears dampened her lovely dress. I felt bad for it and wished I would stop, but I couldn’t. For just this morning right there on my pillow was a cruel surprise waiting for me.<br/>What was wrong with me? Let’s go back a few weeks ago. I was sitting at the doctor’s office with my mother and father.<br/>I haven’t been well since the day I fell. There was a bruise on my leg that wouldn’t go away. I was scared to hear what the doctor would say. I was expecting him to say that I needed to get my leg cut off or I had a serious infection. The nurse called out my name and we followed her to the examine room.<br/>You don't have to read the other parts to understand this side story line. I will be including this into my main story though! This part is based off of the song called Skin by Rascal Flatts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

** Chapter 1 **

**A/N: This is back before First Avenger.**

I sat there on my bed, crying into my mother’s shoulder. There I clutched in my hand a lock of my hair. My tears dampened her lovely dress. I felt bad for it and wished I would stop, but I couldn’t. For just this morning right there on my pillow was a cruel surprise waiting for me.

What was wrong with me? Let’s go back a few weeks ago. I was sitting at the doctor’s office with my mother and father.

I haven’t been well since the day I fell. There was a bruise on my leg that wouldn’t go away. I was scared to hear what the doctor would say. I was expecting him to say that I needed to get my leg cut off or I had a serious infection. The nurse called out my name and we followed her to the examine room.

There I sat, in silence. The doctor told me the news. Between the red cells and white, something wasn’t right. I was emotionless. My mother was in tears as my father held her close to his chest.

The doctor placed a hand on my knee, staring up at me. “Don’t worry. We are going to take care of you. We’re going to give you therapy to treat this. It is the strongest there is, but I think we caught it in time.”

I went to school the next day. It was my senior year in high school. Prom was only a month or so away. I had someone in mind to go with, but I didn’t think he would ever want to go with me.

“Hey, Grace!” I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

I turned to find Bucky and Steve coming over to me. I put on a fake smile when I replied back. I tried to ignore the look of worry on Bucky’s face. He knew when I was smiling and when I was acting.

“Hey you two.” I said and hugged Steve right away.

He gave me a shy smile, trying to act all tough. I looked over at Bucky and he gave me a smile as well. We all three started to walk out of the school together, the day ended.

“We haven’t seen you all day today. What’s going on?” Bucky asked as he walked on my left side.

“I’ve just been busy, that’s all.” I shrugged.

“Busy…I see.” He trailed off.

“Don’t…please…” I mumbled to Bucky and he turned to look at me. I didn’t want Steve or him to know I was sick. “Don’t try to figure it out.”

Bucky eyed me suspiciously before nodding to me. “Okay.”

We waved bye to Steve when his mother came and got him. He was going to the doctor’s today. I was walking with Bucky, going home. We lived near each other.

“How was your doctor appointment?” Bucky asked me.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” I tried to make up a lie but I took too long to respond.

“Don’t lie to me.” Bucky said in a serious tone.

I looked over at him and gave him a small smile. “They just said that I have…something wrong with my healing process…thing…” I tried to make up. I wasn’t completely lying.

“That’s why the bruise won’t go away?” He asked me and I nodded. “What do you have to do?”

“I have to take medicine and also try to watch what I eat. I’m a slow healer I guess?” I shrugged it off, knowing I suck at lying. It seemed to work though. That or he knew I wasn’t ready to tell him yet.

“Well, if you want…I can help you remember to take your pill and help you watch what you eat?” He suggested.

I wrapped my arm around his arm, so it was like he was escorting me home. “That would be helpful.”

We made it to my house and I turned to look at him. He seemed to be in deep thought. I poked his cheek and he looked over at me, snapping out of whatever he was thinking.

“Sorry, just off in my own world.” He said.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. The doctor said that I have a good chance of getting back to normal.” I wasn’t lying this time. The doctor told me I had a six out of ten chance.

Bucky took my hand in his, examining my fingers. “I was wondering, Grace…”

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Would you want to go to prom? I know, it’s a month away and I should have asked you before…but I just…” He shrugged.

“Better late than never.” I said and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Okay. I’ll let my mom know so her and I can go dress shopping. I’ll tell you the color of my dress so you can include that in your suit.”

Bucky gave me a warm smile; it reminded me of an adorable puppy. “See you later.” He said as he slowly let go of my hand.

I melted at the sight of him. He always had this effect on me. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had this effect on him as well.

That brings us to where we were. Back to me crying on my mother’s shoulder. She tried to soothe me, but I couldn’t stop.

“Mom, it would be a mistake for someone to take a girl with no hair to the prom.” I cried out. “Bucky will not want me anymore. I…I can’t…” I sputtered out, not knowing what else to say.

“Honey, you know just as much as anyone…that he wouldn’t care. If he truly does like you…he would be there for you.” My mother whispered in my ear.

I held the proof that I couldn’t deny, gripping it tighter. This was all I needed to know that I really am sick. Soon, Bucky and Steve will know. They have been asking me lately about my health.

I’ve been getting skinner and paler each passing day. I’ve just made up the excuse, saying it’s my medicine. I knew Bucky wouldn’t take that excuse anymore. Soon, he’d ask my mom or dad about me. They thought he already knew, but in reality he didn’t.

**A/N: This is part of my Captain America story. I just thought that this would need its own part, explaining who this woman is. I’m writing this before I mention her in my main story, so you all know who she is. I hope you like this little extra part. :) There will be more chapters after this one!**


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter 2 **

“Sweetie, your friend is at the door. He wishes to see you.” My mother called out behind the closed door of my room.

“Tell him to go away…” I mumbled out.

I haven’t been to school for a week or so, due to me not feeling well. The teachers have sent my homework and also notes to my place. I’ve been keeping up with work, but it has been a tough road.

My hair is now patchy. I wear a wrap on my head, to hide it. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, so my mother does it for me. I know it’s hard for her to do it, but she insisted.

“…Grace?” Called a familiar voice from behind my closed door, it was Bucky.

“No.” I said firmly.

“Grace, please…I haven’t seen you in so long.” There was a pause and I could tell it was taking all of his strength to not open the door. “I’ve missed you…”

I bit my bottom lip, wondering if I should let him in. Truth be told, I have missed him terribly. I sighed and then put my homework off to the side.

“Come in.” I called out.

Slowly the door opened and there he was, my knight in shining armor. It’s what my girlfriends call him. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

“Hey.” He smiled his charming smile but then frowned. “Why do you have that on your head?”

I looked down at my fingers. “Bucky, I…need to tell you something.”

Bucky made his way over to me, sitting down on my bed. He was facing me but I dared not to look up at him. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed for him to see me like this.

I felt his hand cup my face. “You can tell me anything, Grace.”

I looked up at him, a tear rolled down my face. “It’s about my sickness…”

I saw a small frown reach his face, but he played it off. “Like I said…you can tell me _anything_.”

“You’re going to hate me.” I admitted and reached up to my wrap.

“I could never hate yo-…” He stopped his sentence when I took off my wrap, showing my hair.

I haven’t had the courage to shave it off. I still had a decent amount of hair on my head, but still I would have liked to not have Bucky see me like this.

I realized there was silence from him. I looked up to meet his eyes but my heart stopped when I saw his expression. He was crying.

He wasn’t sobbing. He was in too much shock to sob, but the tears still rolled down his cheeks. This man, the one I have loved for so long, is crying over me.

“This is…” Bucky’s voice croaked out.

“Yes, this is what I have been hiding from you.” I ran my hand over my arm. “I’m sick, but they are trying to fix me.”

Bucky looked into my eyes. When he did so, another tear fell from his perfect face. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I…I could have-…” Bucky was lost for words.

“Help me? Bucky, you can’t help me. The doctors are the only ones who can, and they are.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I’ll be fine. This is just a side effect.”

Bucky leaned over and put his forehead on my forehead. His eyes were closed, but I could tell his was fighting something. What though?

“This isn’t what I want for you.” He whispered to me. “I wish…it was me instead.”

“Don’t.” I said sternly and cupped his face in my hands. “You _don’t_ deserve this.”

“What the hell makes you think you _do_?” He asked and leaned into my touch. “Were you afraid that I wouldn’t find you beautiful? Is that why you haven’t seen me in so long?”

“I find it hard to show the man I love what I have become.” I admitted without thinking about my words.

“Love?” He asked and took my hands from his face, holding them in his own. “You love me?”

I didn’t make any eye contact with him, just only watched his lips. I nodded in silence and his lips curved up into a warm smile. I looked up to find his eyes were shining with love and awe.

“You know, I would have loved to of heard that in middle school, Grace.” He kissed my nose. “Better late than never I suppose.”

“Wait…you wanted to hear that?” I asked with a confused look.

“Well, yeah. Isn’t it obvious that I love you?” Bucky asked with the same look.

“No!” I said back, furrowing my eyebrows. “You _know_ how long it took me to even realize that I love you? How do you expect me to realize that someone else loves me?”

Bucky laughed at my words and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “There’s the Grace I know, dumb and beautiful.”

“Dumb huh?” I raised an eyebrow. “I’ll show you dumb…”

He gave me a flirtatious grin. “Don’t tempt me.” Bucky’s face went soft and he ran a hand over my cheek. “I know we are going to the prom together, but that doesn’t mean it makes us automatically dating.” He paused for a moment. “But I want to date you.”

“No you don’t, I’m dumb. You’re into smart girls, I hear.” I rolled my eyes and gave him a playful smile.

“Shit, you’re right.” He responded and acted like he was going to get up.

I grabbed his shirt and frowned at him. “And where do you think you’re going, Barnes?”

Bucky stuck his tongue out at me after he replied. “I’m going to find that smart girl I have been looking for.”

“Oh are you now?”

He sat down and leaned in close to my face. “Oh, wait. I found her.” Bucky whispered.

“I thought I was dumb.” I answered back.

“Dumb and smart.” After he spoke, his lips met mine.

I could have sworn my heartbeat was audible. Hell, I bet if he wasn’t leaning against me it would have jumped out of me.

Bucky was my first love and who knows he could be my last. I wouldn’t want anyone else anyways. After all, he is my knight in shining armor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: WHY AM I MAKING THIS STORY?! While I am writing this…I freaking cry! :( Tell me what you think of my story so I know whether or not to continue it. :)


	3. Chapter 3

** Chapter 3 **

It’s quarter to seven on prom night. I was waiting at the top of the stairs. My prom date just entered my house. My belly started to get that butterfly feeling in it. What will he think of my dress? What will he think of me and my new hairdo?

“Grace, he’s here.” My father called out to me.

I took a deep breath and made my way down the stairs, revealing myself to my boyfriend and family. Something was odd about Bucky though. He wore a cap on his head. He hardly ever wears caps.

I gave him a shy smile, trying to hide my pink cheeks. He returned the smile with his charming one. I went up to him and he wrapped me in a warm hug.

“Why are you wearing a hat?” I asked him once he stopped hugging me.

Bucky bit his bottom lip before he took his hat off.

My heart dropped and I started to cry. My mother joined me on the tear party. I reached out to touch his hair, but it wasn’t there.

This man, James Barnes, shaved his head for me. I softly touched where his hair would have been, instead I touched just skin.

“I did this…for you.” He admitted and I smiled warmly at him, letting more tears fall from my eyes.

I saw my father turn his head away, trying to hide that he was crying. I looked over to Bucky again and smiled more.

“I think you just earned brownie points from my father.” I whispered.

“I didn’t do it to please anyone but you.” He lightly touched the top of my head, feeling just skin too. “I love you, Grace.” His hand went from the side of my head to my cheek.

I felt him wipe away the tears and I knew then that he really was the man of my dreams and he did love me. He actually loved me. No one would do such a thing unless they loved that person they did it for.

Later that night, I tripped on my dress and hit my head on the ground. My eye sight was blurry and I couldn’t think right. I started to feel very sick. I was rushed to the hospital and the doctors took some tests on me. The end result, I was dying.

The doctors had no idea what to call my sickness. Everything showed great last time I came in for tests. They even told me my condition was improving, but now it seemed to have gotten worse since.

Bucky was there in the room with my mother and father. He had his head in his hands, unable to cope with what was happening. I asked my parents if I could have alone time with him, they reluctantly said yes.

“Bucky…” I croaked out. “I’m scared to death…”

He looked up at me, eyes red and puffy. I smiled sweetly at him. Shaking my head, I removed his cap so it showed off his new look. Bucky gave me a chuckle and ran a hand over my cheek.

“Don’t be scared. I’m right here. Just please don’t leave me…I’m not done with you.” He admitted, not smile on his face.

“What? You’re not sick of me yet?” I joked and it made him smile through his tears.

“Grace, what I feel towards you isn’t puppy love.” Bucky looked down at my weak hands and took them into his. His hands were so much warmer than mine. “This feeling I have, it’s true love. There is no one else I want or need.”

I licked my dried lips and gave him a weak smile. “Well, if it helps at all…I’m not sick of you either.”

“Really…and here I thought I was such a bad dancer that you put yourself in a hospital to get rid of me.” Bucky joked with me and I laughed.

“You were wonderful tonight; it was me who was clumsy.” I swallowed, my throat felt so dry.

We sat there in comfortable silence. Both of us stared into each other’s eyes, he even started to rub my cheek again. It was his way of showing affection without kissing me. I prefer the kissing, but this will do.

“Just stay with me, Grace.” He frowned at me. “I’m going to join the military and I’m going to use that money I make and find you better treatment. I’ll do anything for you.”

“Oh, Buck…” I sighed out. “You don’t need to do that. Besides, who’s going to take care of Steve when he’s getting beat up?”

“Steve said he’s going to join too…”

“You know as much as I do…that he won’t be able to.” I said truthfully.

“I know, but I don’t have the heart to tell him he can’t join.” He looked down, finally breaking that contact with my eyes.

“Bucky, no matter what…I want you to live on.” I said and he was about to say something but I stopped him. “I want you to move on with life. I want you to watch over Steve. I want you…to be the man that I fell in love with.” I touched his chest, right above his heart. “This is what I fell in love with. Don’t forget this man.”

Bucky started to blink more, trying to hide the tears. My heart dropped when I saw his bottom lip make a slight quiver movement. I had no idea what he saw in me, but whatever it was I am glad that he enjoyed it.

It was just a few months that went by. My condition was getting worse, slowly. I could no longer stand or sit up on my own. My skin tone wasn’t that bright shade of white with pink undertones. It was now deathly white. The only flush that would happen was on my cheeks where when I blushed.

Bucky visited me often and so did Steve. Steve cried when he first saw me in my hospital bed. Poor guy, I had to hug him for nearly thirty minutes to get him to calm down.

It was the night of my death; I knew it was my time. While I had been on bed rest, I wrote letters to the ones I loved. My last letter was to Bucky. My hand writing wasn’t perfect, but you could still read it.

I put my letters right by my bedside before I lay down on my back. My mother was out of the room, my father was at work, Bucky and Steve were out doing whatever, and I was alone in my hospital bedroom. It was time.

I felt the darkness and coldness taking over me. My eyes were drifting away when suddenly someone came in. I had no idea who it was, they were all blurry. I felt a pain in my arm and I looked to find a needle was in me.

Whoever this person was, they were injecting me with something. I couldn’t scream or make any sounds. I was too weak. Finally the darkness took over my body and I felt and heard nothing.

** Bucky’s POV **

There I stood at my loves grave. She was just freshly buried not even an hour ago. I never left that spot that I took when everyone left.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek; I have been crying a lot the past few months. I touched the cold stone that was her tombstone. On it was her name, date of birth, date of death, and roses engraved beside her name. Those were her favorite flowers, even though she was allergic to pollen. It made me chuckle, knowing that she gave up her sense of smell just to have flowers in her room.

I took out the letter she wrote me. I have not read it yet, but I could tell it was something she would want me to read alone. I slowly opened the folded piece of paper and felt my heart sink when I saw the writing.

She wrote this recently, I could tell because her writing used to be beautiful. Now, it looked like a six year olds writing. I coaxed my way into reading the letter, pausing every once in a while to let out a small teary laugh.

_My Dear James,_

_I’m so very sorry that I…didn’t make it. I wish nothing but to be with you forever. Maybe in another life time, we will meet and love each other then?_

_My love, you are such an amazing man. Please, don’t forget what I said a few months past. Be strong and carry on with life. I will always watch over you. Don’t worry, I’m not scared anymore. I’m ready for what is about to happen to me. I stopped being afraid since the day you told me you were there with me. I knew then that I wasn’t alone._

_There is something I want you to have, it is in my room. In the top drawer of my nightstand, there is a ring I want you to have. I know…I know…a ring…stupid I know. But this is the ring you gave me when it was my fourteenth birthday._

_I kept it close to me, and now I want to give it back. This is something I have held dear to me like our friendship. It’s small so I doubt it would fit you, maybe your pinky._

_I love you. I can’t express that or write in words on how much I love you. I wish I could but…words are lost. You’re right, our love it true love._

_Please, don’t forget me. Remember your promise…I love you._

_Your dumb, smart, and beautiful girlfriend,_

_Grace Paxton_

That was the last string that held my emotions back. Everything came out. This woman has my heart and will always be my one and only. Everything I am is because of her. I used to pick on girls because I thought it was fun, until one day I messed with the wrong girl. That girl was Grace Paxton.

She punched me right in the jaw and told me if I didn’t stop then she would punch me again. Grace knew how to throw a punch and that knocked sense into me. Ever since then, I’ve been friends with her.

I was in her bedroom sitting on her bed. There I held in my hand a silver ring. In the front there was no diamond. It was bent into a heart shape.

I remember giving this to her. I gave it to her, hoping she would figure it out that I had feelings for her. Nope, she took the ring, gave me a hug, and went on to open more gifts.

I chuckled at the memory. She knew how to accidentally wound me. I slid the ring onto my pinky, it went on snuggly. I knew it wasn’t going to fly off. I would never give this ring up, it’s the only thing, besides my memories and the letter that I have left of her.

I touched my lips, remembering the last kiss we shared. It was weak, due to her being ill, but it was still magical to me.

I stood up from her bed and furrowed my eyes. I knew that I needed to keep my promise to her. I promised to watch over Steve, even though I was already doing that, and I promised to be the man she fell in love with. That’s the man I want to be, her man.

**A/N: I was sobbing while writing this. XD I hope you enjoyed my side story! Please tell me what you thought about it. This will end up being in with the main story!**


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